Easter means two things for me. First, despite my age I still get a gift from the Hygiene Bunny, so named for the basket consisting of chocolate, deodorant, shampoo, q-tips, and a toothbrush. Second, it marks the first time in any calendar year that I will be going to church.
My relationship with church, god, and religion as a whole is a complicated one. I am undoubtedly an atheist. Some take offense to this and shout "How can you be soooo certain there is no God?" Well for one what they call god I call math, science, and psychology. Their follow up is typically "But you can't know for sure!" Again, all purported "evidence" that a celestial high power exists I refute is actually statistics, biology, or a coping mechanism. If I felt like getting into an unnecessary and never-ending argument over the existence of god, I would mention that they too cannot be certain there is a God since all they have is their blind faith and biased interpretations (the latter of which I also have) and that furthermore, being agnostic is like owning insurance for your soul. "Oh hai second coming of Christ. I never said your dad DIDN'T exist. I just said I was open to the possibility of... oh." I was born the son of a Methodist preacher and a skeptic. It wasn't in the genes. Frankly I'm not sure where it came from, but all the same, it lead to some complications.
As I sat through this Easter service I was struck by certain hypocrisies (there are more but these came to mind): This church is huge, nearly epic in size, and with an organ that cost millions of dollars for both its parts and the house in which they put up its builder from Germany. The upside of being a church-raised atheists is a familiarity with scripture. In this case Matthew 5: 5 and Psalms 37: 11, best known as "the meek shall inherit the Earth." By definition meek is quiet, reserved, and submissive even, yet, as the majority of the Atlanta rich elite congregation will tell you, meek does not pay the bills. There is no acquiescence in this population. Timidity is weakness they might say.
Easter Sunday is a time to show off. Gorgeous, stunning, captivating beauties in their Sunday best, making what is for many of them also their annual church appearance as a red carpet event than a celebration of the resurrection of Christ. Vanity takes precedence as agonized, tautly stretched face lifts scoot down my row. "Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life." (Proverbs 22: 4) Hmm. No one hear seems to have checked the humility box, but they seem to be doing quite well financially. Hmm...
Last passage, this one from Matthew 19: 24: "Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." I look ahead of me at the million dollar structure, and just below it sits a glorious, burnished gold bible, resembling more an artifact sought by Indiana Jones than an article of worship. Entirely paid for by tithe and offerings from the members of this church, many of which I have been told are millionaires. All this magnificence and splendor in the name of God comes from the wealthiest families in Buckhead and the greater Metro Atlanta area. A misinterpretation or contradiction perhaps?
Okay okay, I will never devalue religion entirely. It gave me a place to live and a loving community that nurtured me. Personally, I find it to be an incredibly flawed manner of dealing with strife day to day, a manner which I do not need. It's psychological importance (even dependence) to many members of my family is without measure, much like my need for the creative outlet and my love for the arts, so I cannot hate it as so many do. I just do not understand it. It is rife with hypocrisy, counter-intelligent arguments, and has molded much of its followers into a state of denial-ism that harms the Earth. For now I will go to church, play the good son, on Easter and Christmas and keep my mouth shut around them. I'm sure some hold out hope that I will change, but I do not see that happening. Until then I will go through the motions and mock grown men in bowties and melt at the sight of children in seersucker suits.
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