Writer's Block: Day 4544156465

In my second post I predicted the next would be about how I want to create but likely never will. So here comes the ramble:

I'm starting to see the creative process, regardless of medium, as a battle. For the longest I've referred to myself as a "binge writer." The screenplay that was feature in a previous post took me a full year to write. However, the first seventy of so page (out of the final 120) were written in about a week, maybe less. The last eighty took their sweet time. I would go months without writing and then it hit me and the ideas started again, as furious as ever. It was that romantic ideal I latched on to; something as lofty as "when it is time, it will come." So that is what it became: a sporadic act of expression.

I listened to an interview with a screenwriter who had the following quote that I wish I could remember the origin....anyhow it was "I don't outline because if I have no idea where the story is going, how will the audience?" I still like that idea of crafting a surprise that organically, but again, it justified my choice to simply wing it. In contrast, there were other screenwriters who made it a routine, setting a quota each day of how many pages to complete or making a writing appointment for three hours in the morning. The idea here being two-fold. First, at least you are making something. It may be shit, but then you can edit or re-write and there is potential for something to come from that. The other reasoning being that is essentially becomes muscle memory. By forcing the pen to the page, you eventually coax the "creative juices" out and evolve the ability to turn it on at will.

At this point, I have tried both. My concern is that my hang up comes from within. Deep within. There is a history to it even. I play guitar and sing but very few have heard it. Seriously, I could count on one hand who has experienced either. I was once a painfully shy child and teen, however, I am no longer. I have very little shame and do not embarrass easily at all. So why the hesitance? I have experienced failure of such a magnitude that any harsh criticism of something I have made or done will pale in comparison. So once again, why the hesitance? I have claimed that the writing and the music is for me. I do it for reasons of my own I will say.

Bullshit and this blog is proof. I want to share my efforts with the world. The photography is the gateway drug. I do not have a lot invested in it. It is a hobby and fun for me. What I have written however is a passion that, in my current mindset will atrophy. Expect, hopefully, scenes to appear on this blog. Anyone interested? Anyone there even?

...Ramble Complete....